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Lawyers Jokes

Here’s our Top 7 lawyers’ jokes of the day. Ok, so everybody mocks us and makes fun of us. There are probably more lawyers jokes out there than there are non-lawyers jokes (seriously!).

I used to take mild offence at the level and sheer derogatory nature of lawyers jokes but not anymore – now I just appreciate that we are an easy target because we make up the butt of a very many funny jokes – So everybody likes to take a dig at the legal profession but hey which other profession can claim to have the best selection of jokes.

So rather than whinge and moan about all those offensive jokes about Lawyers out there, we thought we would share some of our favourites with you. So having done a bit of quick research on the internet and having spoken to a few other lawyers today, I have complied my top 7 lawyer jokes that I could find for today.

Hell, if you can’t beat them than join them I say. p.s. DISCLAIMER: Lawyers jokes are just jokes; they are not factual and in my opinion as a Lawyer they do not accurately portray the legal profession. In fact we could probably sue the joker makers for misrepresentation.

Please post any jokes you feel are better than the list I have compiled.

Lawyers Jokes :

7. Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy!

6. How many personal injury lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Only Three–one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.

5. Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

4. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.

3. What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can’t understand.

2. Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

1. The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity.”
The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.

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